ิ*beginninG
posted on 23 Apr 2008 23:14 by eyukiz in eyukizIt's not my first time but I just don't know how to start. . .
yeah, i have no idea how should i write this entry (and so on) in English.
First, I'm going to tell you why the hell i have to write this in my second language, not my native language. Have i told you lately that i was force to study in the faculty of Industrial Design at SoA+D; KMUTT. Sweet~, that's 100% my parents' wish.
Evil in me at that time. . .
i was so angry that i would to do everything just to get out from here. wanna fly to jctu as i want.
For a month, i've planned to do many terrible activities at uni then being retired.
but i realized that the opportunity is over, give up period is over and i have no right to go to Thammasat. (this year)
一期一会
and my chance has gone . . .
again, i felt like everything is over, felt like my world's collapse right before my eyes.
it's more painful than the AFS time back then, and the wound in my heart is fully resurrected.
the more i think about it, the more my heart hurt. i know this fact very well.
but i just can't stop thinking of it
you know, i have never dedicated myself to anything but this national exam. The result was fine but my heart cried in the second i saw my score. My score was incredible! and that hurt me a lot. . .
i should be the one who get the highest score for JCTU, 7952 points.
and i get stuck here,
for my dad and my mom's sake. . .
don't you think that was a stupid decision, i have to use the word decision since i hadn't force them hard enough.
if only i insist that i want to study there. ..
no no. ..
i've done more than insist, but why don't they understand???????
havn't i done a decent job???
I HAVE NEVER SACRIFICE MYSELF LIKE THIS AND WHAT THEY'VE DONE IS TELL ME
AFTER THE NATIONAL EXAM THAT DAD FELT SO BAD AND WANT ME TO STUDY HERE!!
god, i knew it that they're lying. i just want to believe that they'll be honest this time.
the promise they made with me that if i got 7500+ they'll let me go to anywhere i want..
hey, look what i get
i was such a stupid girl. . .
i shouldn't have tried so hard since the beginning..... i should know that adult can lie without any shame to get what they want.
----------
i don't want any pity, i just want to go to Thammasat to JC as i've tried so hard.
but for now, it's impossible. . . maybe next year. . . i'll go there to grant my wishes
-----------
umm, in brief, the reason why i write my journal in English is that i want to get used to English asap before the preparation classes which is going to start in May 6th. That's all
even though i don't really want to study anything about design and prefer reading&writing than drawing, i don't want it to be so inefficient...
that's all. . .